A Grandmother's Love...

If you know me at all, then you know that my grandmother was my hero. My grandmother, also known as "Mama Kate", passed away in 2008 , and my heart has never quite been the same. I always miss her the most around this time of year as her birthday and other holidays approach. Let me tell you a few things about this amazing woman....She made me dresses for every Easter and Christmas. She made the best corn pudding and coconut cake. She mailed John a cake from TN to California for his birthday. She came to my volleyball and softball games. She shuttled me to my gymnastics classes. No one could rub my back like Mama Kate. We went to the ballet and plays. After I crashed my car, she drove me to work at 2am until my car was fixed. Mama Kate never met a stranger, she spoke to everyone as though they were her friend. She was the perfect example of unconditional love. I think of my grandmother often during this spiritual journey I am on. My Mama Kate was a solid believer of God. She was a devoted church member, yet she never ever judged me for my "less Christian like" decisions. I remember going to church with her when I was little and how much she loved introducing me to her friends. "This is my first born granddaughter, Lisa Kate." she would proudly say. I would stand up tall and beam with pride. Even though she had a master's degree in Christian Education she never stopped learning about God. She asked questions and yearned for more knowledge and understanding. As I am learning about God and trying to understand this massive love He has for me... I think about my grandmother and it makes it a little easier for me to grasp. I feel like that is how much she loved me. I have spent the last 5 years wishing I could hear her voice or see her face, just one more time.(even if it's in my dreams) But I don't. Not once. I picture her chatting it up with other angels in heaven, talking about her grandkids. "That Lisa Kate of yours is doing just fine.", they would say. Maybe I am doing just fine. I am still not sure how this heaven thing works, but if she can see or hear me... I hope she is still proud of her first born. I hope Mia thinks of me as HER "Mama Kate" someday.

Are you there, God? It's me, Lisa.

So, most of you know I am on a spiritual journey. For the longest time I have despised "organized religion". I have watched "Christians" preach hate and intolerance. I have questioned the existence of a higher power. I mean, how could this awesome being everyone keeps talking about allow such awful things to happen? God is confusing. He's also very sneaky. Today's message at church was "Words create worlds" and the power of using your words. I love when I can relate the message to my life,(Thanks Caleb!) and it reminded me of the first time I spoke out loud to God. It was 4 years ago and my sister was still deep into her addiction to drugs. I remember I was driving to work just thinking about her and crying (I did that often). I decided the only thing left I could do was to ask God to help her. I said out loud in the car "God, if you are real, PLEASE help my sister. I don't know what else to do. Just HELP her." Now, God could have just said "ok, Lisa- you got it." and be done with it. Nope. That's not what happened. He sent Mia instead. My sweet little innocent 6 year old niece. I was an instant parent. My focus of being angry at my sister and angry at my parents changed to joy and love for this beautiful little girl. Now with her daughter close by, Mary eventually found sobriety. We needed Mia, just has much as Mia needed us. Only God knew that. Our family is healing. I NOW believe that God heard my desperate prayer that day. Words ARE powerful. My heart will remain open and I will continue to learn and try to understand the power of Faith. I owe that much to the Big Guy. xoxox

6 things I have learned after 6 years of awesome,miserable, fun, sad, FUNNY years of marriage.....

Our anniversary is on Sunday, so I thought I would share some things I have learned about marriage. (warning..PG-13 language.) 1. We are different. I watch college football, John watches documentaries about air guitar competitions. He likes his meat bloody rare and I'd rather eat burnt steak. I like to paint my nails, wear makeup and feel pretty. John will wear a tshirt until it is LITERALLY falling apart. It's ok to be different. 2.Sometimes it's better to go to bed angry. Going to bed mad is WAY better than calling John an "annoying f@#king a-hole". Just sayin'. 3.When you are married, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. SUCK.IT.UP. 4. Having and MAINTAINING a good sense of humor is really more important than how often you have sex. I mean, there are tools to help with the sex...if you can't laugh about shit (usually shit that really sucks) the sex won't happen anyway. Truth. 5. My husband CAN NOT satisfy my emotional needs. Ever. That's what my girlfriends are for. 6.I'm really not THAT great to be married to. I'd like to think that I am bomb diggity and John really lucked out in scoring a wife like me. But to be honest...I can be a real bitch. So many life changes since we met 11 years ago. Marriage is hard. Like really hard. Even through the ups and downs...He is still the one. Happy Anniversary to us.